Eight Behavioral Signs That May Undermine Trust

• Trust is associated with openness, reliability, and a willingness to consider others
• Concerning behavior patterns include lying, broken promises, and a lack of remorse
• Individual traits alone do not prove that someone is deceptive or unreliable

Behaviors that can undermine trust

A pleasant first impression does not always reveal how trustworthy someone is: the people described in this article may seem charming and outgoing. According to this roundup, it is not a single glance or an offhand slip that should raise concern, but recurring behavior patterns. These include a tendency to conceal important information, distort the truth to make an impression, and act differently from what they promised. This is a list of possible warning signs, not a foolproof way to identify someone else’s intentions.

The first sign mentioned is secrecy: a person keeps important information to themselves or does not show their true feelings. A study published in the Journal of Research in Personality examines trust through three components: behavior that shows a willingness to rely on others, a belief in their reliability, and an intention to allow oneself to be vulnerable. The article links openness specifically to this last component, but does not claim that every instance of reserve automatically indicates deception.

According to the article, constantly hiding things can make mutual trust harder: if someone isn’t willing to open up, it’s more difficult for others to rely on them. Emotional intelligence—the ability to notice and understand other people’s feelings—is also discussed separately. Psychotherapist Marni Feuerman cautions that this skill can sometimes be used to control others: recognizing emotional cues can help someone not only understand another person, but also manipulate them. So being perceptive alone doesn’t necessarily signal good intentions.

Secrecy and the impression created by words

Another warning sign is a habit of embellishing stories, changing details, or claiming impressive achievements to make an impression. The article contrasts this with trust, which includes expecting that a person’s words and promises can be believed. A study in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin describes trustworthy people as honest and well-intentioned. If someone constantly embellishes the facts, it can be hard for others to tell where a truthful account ends and invention begins.

Consistency between words and actions matters too. When someone repeatedly promises one thing but does another, their words lose credibility, and trust becomes harder to maintain. Cognitive psychologist Anne Böckler-Raettig compares trust not to a switch that can be turned on at will, but to an ongoing process. In her view, trust is essential both to individuals and to society, and relationships are impossible without the ability to understand others and forgive mistakes. However, a persistent mismatch between promises and actions makes rebuilding trust more difficult.

Mistakes in relationships are inevitable, but how someone responds to the harm they have caused matters too. The article presents a lack of guilt after hurting someone as a possible sign of unreliability. Shame over doing something wrong, by contrast, can prompt someone to apologize and try to make amends. The point is not that a person should never make mistakes, but that they should be willing to recognize the harm they have caused and take responsibility for their actions, rather than simply carrying on as before.

Responsibility, empathy, and attitude toward others

A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology links a tendency to feel guilt with reliability. According to the description cited in the article, this unpleasant feeling can keep people from doing harm and motivate them to make amends for their mistakes. If someone sees no reason for remorse and makes no effort to change their behavior, their promises to do better may be met with doubt. But the publication does not justify judging someone’s character based on a single reaction: what matters is the pattern of behavior described, not one isolated incident.

The next point is focusing only on one’s own desires. A 2022 study in Personality and Individual Differences links reliability with a willingness to consider other people’s interests, rather than only one’s own. This approach is especially important for leaders: the article describes a reliable manager as someone who listens to employees’ feedback, takes it into account, and explains decisions openly. The opposite pattern—ignoring other people’s needs and putting one’s own interests first—makes it harder to maintain relationships.

An inability to take other people’s point of view into account is also discussed in connection with empathy. Relationship coach Mitzi Bockmann says that people who are unable to make sense of their own feelings find it difficult to understand the feelings of those around them. In her explanation, such people may expect others to push their feelings aside too and not reflect on them. The article links a lack of empathy to relationship difficulties and social isolation, but does not provide a universal criterion for measuring it in a particular person.

Calculated Kindness and the Limits of What We Can Conclude

The last sign listed is kindness that appears only when it benefits the person showing it. According to the article, this kind of care may quickly disappear if the other person is no longer getting what they want. This differs from a lasting willingness to help, although individual kind acts may look the same on the surface. So it is worth paying attention not just to the gesture itself, but also to whether the behavior is repeated and whether the person remains engaged when they have nothing to gain in return.

A study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin links high levels of trust to better social skills. The authors also note that these skills can serve both selfish and selfless aims; trustworthiness, in turn, is positively associated with social success and a willingness to help others. This nuance clarifies the idea of manipulation: good communication skills alone guarantee neither sincerity nor self-serving intentions. What matters are a person’s aims and the consistency of their behavior.

All eight points share a question: how well a person’s words, intentions, and actions align, and whether they take others into account. The article brings together findings from various studies and expert opinions, but does not provide enough detail to turn this list into a validated test. So a single instance of secrecy, a mistake, or a poorly chosen word does not prove that someone is being deceptive. The article’s more significant theme is recurring patterns—lying, broken promises, lack of accountability, and conditional care.

Source: UNIAN